While I am with my grandparents, I have been meeting a lot of people. Because people are naturally inquisitive, they keep asking me “Where I’m from” or “Where I live.” I kind of look at them and have this moment of mental panic.
“Well… I’m from Washington, but I live in Oklahoma--but I don’t have a house there and I’ve never been there before. I was born in Europe but don’t really remember much of that… and at one point I lived in outer space right above Jupiter, but before that I lived with the monkeys in the treetops of South Africa...*Dramatic shrug*I guess I’m not from anywhere.”
I don’t really have a ‘home’ (as in a structured building with a bedroom that I live in with like a dresser, closet and stuff) this whole adventure still seems surreal, (would someone pinch me and help me know that this is my real life? I’m not so sure…)
They say “Home is where your heart is” and my heart is sooooo still in Myfaircity. But I want to feel heartfelt and open to Mysmalltown, so that’s kind of a damper on putting my heart into anything.
Basically can you just pass the coffee, because I’m lost.
I don’t have a ‘home’ here on Earth.
I don’t have a bedroom in an abode with my family, I don’t have a dresser to hang all my clothes in, and I don’t have a kitchen to make coffee in the morning.
It’s been a hard thing for me to accept. But it’s the truth.
“It’s awesome,” she said with a hint of sarcasm.
I like having a good sense of security. I like knowing where the coffee maker is and where all the little coffee flavorings are.
I like having a bedroom I can keep tidy and know where everything is.
I like being able to track down my things without thinking, “Oh wait… I think that’s in a tote in the storage unit, never mind.”
(I’m making myself sound like a neat freak. I’m not. I can’t usually find matching socks, but at least my socks would be in a place I know where they would be. Right now they are… oh wait… They are in a tote in the storage unit.)
It bothers me not having a home, or friends who can just come over. I miss knowing where the stores are, and I miss my church family. I know it shouldn’t bother me, and that I should learn to be cool with all these changes but I’m really homesick and just want things back to normal.
As I have been kicking myself for thinking negatively about this thing I wish I could honestly call a fun adventure and mentally venting about this lack of a place to call ‘home’ I realized this.
I have never had a home here.
But neither have you.
(If I stop being coherent, it’s because I’m using the contents of an entire tissue box over here.)
In Philippians, it says this:
“But our homeland is in heaven, and we are waiting for our Savior, The Lord Jesus Christ, to come from heaven.”
I miss the place I’ve called home. (I know, you all have heard this a million times. I’m sorry I’m stuck on one subject.) I miss it so much.
But that beautiful, amazing place full of so many memories never was my home in the first place.
My home is in heaven! It’s a place that has been being prepared for me since before time began.
Sure I love having a place to live and all the security and familiarity it has, but that’s not my home!
You see, I don’t get to go home until Jesus calls me up to go there with him. Until then I’m living in this strange land that he has called me too. He has a plan for me, and for my future, and a new temporary home in store for me.
It’s all going to be ok because of that.
When we keep our eyes focused on that amazing homeland that is full of forever hope, where tears, death, sorrow, pain and sin are vanquished, and where we can dance with our King and Savour…
It doesn’t make it better right away, but it does give me hope.
It gives me hope that this horrible feeling will go away, and that God has a sovereign plan.
Even when I can’t see the plan, and even when it hurts, he still has a plan.
but where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let you be defeated.
He who guards you never sleeps.
He who guards Israel
never rests or sleeps.
The Lord guards you.
The Lord is the shade that protects you from the sun.
The sun cannot hurt you during the day,
and the moon cannot hurt you at night.
The Lord will protect you from all dangers;
he will guard your life.
The Lord will guard you as you come and go,
both now and forever.”
~Psalms 121 (Yes. The whole thing.)