Not unlike most teenage girls my age, someday I would like to get married.
I want to wear a long, blowy, white dress, and hold a big ol’ thing of flowers. I want to laugh and pray with my bridesmaids and parents before I walk down the aisle. As well as I know myself, I know I will probably cry, which will cause my bridesmaids and parents to cry, (and my makeup will probably be ruined...) I want to dance with my dad and my husband afterword (Which will probably make me cry some more.) I want to throw my flowers behind my shoulder, and then drive away into the shining golden red sunset.
I want to do all of that.
I want to have kids someday.
I want to have a sweet little baby that I can show off to the entire world. (Trust me. The whole world will know everything about my children.) I want to teach my babies how to read, how to cook, how to pray, and how to go down a slide. I want to hold them when they have bad dreams and I want to laugh with them when they are feeling silly. I want to smile lovingly at them when as they play and learn. I want to be there to watch them get married and pray over them for their entire lives.
I want to do all of that.
But truth be told, I’m not ready yet.
I don’t think that I could do the whole, “good wife thing” now. (The "He walks through the door and dinner is ready and the house is clean and all that amazing stuff my mom somehow manages to do.")
I don’t think I could be a mom. (That whole, "wake up in the middle of the night, clean up barf, thing…" No. Just... No.)
I am not ready yet.
A blog that I recently read, reminded me of that chapter of the bible known as “the Love Chapter.” Which reads:
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
The part in particular that my fellow blogger pointed out, was that “Patient” was first.
Ha ha.... I'm kinda one to talk about being patient..... But in this case, I am totally fine with waiting (And waiting, and for right now, and waiting) to become all those grown up-y things that I want to do someday.
I don’t know if I could be patient with a husband, or a child. (And what about the rest?? Not Envy, not boast, not proud, not dishonoring others, not self-seeking, not easily angered, no record of wrongs (harmph) always protecting, always trusting, always hoping, always persevering?)
Right now, I don’t think I can do that. I really don’t.
But someday, I think that with God’s help (and more help, and more help.) That I will be able to do that.
Until then, I’ll be for my future husband and for my future kids.
And wait for the patience that comes with true love.