Monday, May 2, 2016

An Open Letter to: Change


Dear Change,
I guess I'll start by saying hello. Yes, spellcheck changed that to yellow the first time. 
That's the way life goes some times I guess. 

How are you? Different I gather. 
Different can be good I guess, I just wasn't expecting you to look... Just... Like that. I guess. I guess in my head, you would kind of just be the same, just older. But no. It's... A little more then older. Not in a bad way but... I'm just going to shut up.   

How am I doing? Well... Growing up has been a struggle. I'm working a lot now, which has been fun. (No, I'm not being sarcastic.) I still ask my mom to make my Doctors appointments. I have a cactus now. She's a good friend. I also bought a jar of Nutella yesterday. So that was fantastic. 

You know, things changing actually bothers me a lot. I like change when it's my idea, under my direction and from my lead. 

But that's hard to admit. Its hard to say "it is well" because sometimes it's not. It hurts. A lot actually. 

I'm happy for you. You have new friends, a new life. We still share our music tastes I see, so that's fun. Thanks for the text about Spencer Kane joining Anthem Lights. Haha, look up "Teenage Girl has Fangirl Attack and Dies at Work" on YouTube sometime. That's me. 

But dear change? I'm not writing you a letter to remind you of all the good times we had, or to tell you about my life. I'm writing you to tell you that I'm through with you. 

I'm done letting fear of you run my life. I'm done letting you control my heart. Something else that has changed is my relationship with God. I'm letting him rule over my life. 

I don't want you to have a bit of foothold over my life. I'm ready to live wholehearted for the One who Died for me. 

Because in Him, there is victory. In you there is just fear, chains and rejection, and I'm.... Kinda just done with that.  

With the help of Jesus Christ, I'm not going to let you shackle me anymore. 
Sure, you'll probably still be around, (as you always had that shadow tendency. Kind of annoying if you ask me.) but you're not in charge. 

When I think about college, friendships, the future in general, fear of you won't be part of my thoughts.  

You are nothing more then the boogy-man who lived under my bed. 

Not real. 
So this is good bye.
I know I'll still see you again, because you tend to travel with growing up, but consider us no longer an "us." 

I'm looking through the eyes of the one who has planned my future. The one who holds the pen to my life, and you are cast out. 

*Waves sarcastically,*
~Rachel 

PS: Orange is not your color. 

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